The season is (almost) underway

The season of Formula 1, that is.

Let me walk you through the drivers that participate in the Australian GP this weekend!

Robert Kubica: This driver is known to be the first Polish F1 driver, the first Pole on pole (huh) the first Pole to win a GP and finally being the first driver to have a bigger forehead than Rubens Barrichello.

Nick Heidfeld: Will still speak the ztereotype german-englizh like he alwayz haz... He will also fall behind Kubica this year. I kid you not.

Sebastian Vettel: Have impressed ever since he first drove in Formula 1 and has been named "The new Schumacher". Yep, he is the new Schumacher. Except that he doesn't have seven world titles, god knows how many victories and is actually not unbearable and uncharacteristic - he is Michael Schumacher!

Mark Webber: Webber is starting his eighth season this year, still chasing after Chris Amon's record as the most unlucky driver of all time. "I have the potential to once again retire my home Grand Prix" he was quoted to say. I don't doubt you, Mark.

Lewis Hamilton: Hamilton's ambitions this year is to take as many victories as possible, the title, and be even more cheesy just to piss off fans of F1 all over the world in addition to those he already have pissed off. Like Ferrari-fans and spanish racists cheering for Alonso.

Heikki Kovalainen: Came one year too late to beat Barrichello's huge forehead as Kubica debuted half a year before him. Trying to focus on victories this year.

Felipe Massa:

Kimi Raikkonen: You can expect the same mumbling as every year, really...

Jenson Button: According to my predictions, he will go for "Overrated driver of the year" this time too...

Rubens Barrichello: The only record he really have is for most race starts. And the fact that he's still getting paid for his drives is outstanding. Kudos, Rubens!

Fernando Alonso: Might bitch and whine more about things this year, but I doubt it will be the awful AWFUL colours of this year's Renault... which he has a right to complain about!

Nelson Piquet Jr. Might actually win something this year.

Giancarlo Fisichella: Great chap. *yawn* Are you still here?

Adrian Sutil: If there's one chance for Sutil to show the world what he is capable of doing, he's got his chance this year. So show us a revenge smack in Raikkonen's diffuser while being in third place, please?

Nico Rosberg: One of many names of a second generation F1 drivers - Nico is the daughter... err... son of 1982 champion Keke Rosberg. With that hair I do not doubt he is born in Germany and not in Finland.

Yakuzi Nakajima or something: Will he continue proving Japanese stereotypes behind the wheel, or actually impress us this season? Watch this space... no, seriously, please continue reading.

Jarno Trulli: Without checking the stats fully, Trulli is the greatest Italian driver after Alberto Ascari, having scored one victory in 199 races. Well done!

Timo Glock: Useless fact from F1 Racing: "Timo Glock has fewer letters in his name than any other driver on the grid". Wow!

Sebastien Bourdais: Watch out for this guy: he can take out three drivers on purpose and not be beaten by other drivers as they won't punch a guy that wears glasses.

Sebastian Buemi: Oh god, not another Sebastian? The first swiss driver since... since... oh what the hell, I'm not an encyclopedia, am I?